I still remember her face when I gave her the Tiffany’s necklace. She was temporarily happy with me. It was St. Valentine’s Day 2006, and we had dinner at P. F. Chang’s. I truly thought that by buying her that gift, a necklace that completely maxed out the limit on my credit card, I was going to fix our issues and have a happier life. As you might expect, it did not fix anything.

In a later relationship, I bought another girlfriend an iPhone. The iPhone, half computer-half phone, was incredibly expensive for me, but I did not think twice before making the purchase. In this case, as in the previous case, the relationship also ended in shambles.

I have a tendency to buy flowers or expensive gifts when I feel that people are mad at me. This consistent pattern tells me one thing: spending money does not buy love or attention or happiness!

A person with a strong belief that a card or a hug is a “good enough” present will not have to deal with maxing out your credit card to prove your love.  If you truly believe that you have to “buy” relationship happiness, a reevaluation of your finances and your relationship may be necessary. From personal experience, I can now say that a sincerely felt, inexpensive or free gift can be infinitely more valuable than gifts that cost lots of money.
The following is a personal checklist that will keep my spending under control if I have to face similar situations in the future:

1. Do not spend money if it is going to knock out my budget.
2. Do not spend if it is going to put me in debt.
3. Do not spend vast amounts of money to fix an emotional situation.
4. If I decide to spend money, I have to decide early so I can plan and save for the purchase.

Moreover, this process will only work if I am honest with myself. Nowadays I have to make decisions and stick by them. I cannot mix the emotional with the financial; especially if I make an illogical or detrimental decision to me.  In the previously mentioned examples, I lacked an analytical process. I let my heart rule.  Spending my very limited funds did not help or solve anything.

For instance, if we look back at the first scenario during Valentine’s Day, I could have made a very simple decision, which was to buy or come up with a more elaborate, but modest gift. Also I could have actually organized my thoughts, and truly asked myself whether this was a valuable investment to the relationship. How was this purchase going to change things? Is it going to change things at all? Is this gift the only reason why we are still together? Can I find a better way to explain the way I feel, without compromising my financial wellbeing? To me, these questions were all a big NO. This analytical process would have taken a few minutes, but the emotional rush and the adrenaline that I felt with the idea of a big surprise blindfolded my decision process.

I can only say one more thing about spending your money when you are in love: have a plan. If you follow the plan, you will feel great about the way you spend your money.  So future girlfriends or boyfriends don’t be expecting expensive presents to buy their love!